future...

these past few wks i haf been tinkin alot abt my future...i mean im gonna finish poly in lyk less den 2 mths & i havent cme up wit any plans yet...i dunno if i wan to cont studyin, start werkin or mayb both...its juz tt im worried tt i might nt b able to feed my parents if i were to cont studyin...

i havent felt so much responsibility b4...i kip tinkin tt my parents r oreadi 50+, e age gap is seriously an issue...i kip worryin abt my parents...i wonder if i cld make enuf money to support dem or at least take over sum of their responsibilities lyk paying off sum bills...

i mean all of a sudden im startin to feel tt i reli2 nid to grow up & start tinkin of all dis...in a way i feel kinda scared...im so worried abt e future fer my parents...i was tellin my mom abt all dis & she said tt as long as she & my dad r werkin, i shldnt b worried...

but hw can i nt b? i dun intend to make dem work till im rich enuf to support dem...dey r nt gettin any younger & i dun wan dem to leave me one day w/o me being able to take care of dem...all dis seems to bother me dis days...nw im kinda livin off my bank acc...

i try to use my own money as much as possible cuz knowin me i used to ask fer money fer little things...but nw im sensible enuf to stop askin fer money xcept fer certain things lyk transport fees (onli fer e moment)...so i sat dwn in my room durin x'mas & tot abt wat i wanna do wit my lyf...

firstly i'll start ngaji afta i finish my attachment (e sayin "Kalau aku mati nanti siapa nak baca kan aku surah yasin" by my mom does haf a major effect)...i wanna do it mostly fer my mom...if tt day were to ever cme i wan her to b proud of me cuz i can pray fer her & nt disappoint her...ok nw im feelin super sad...k next!

secondly, i was lookin thru sum websites & i found a sch tt offers part time photography courses...as my nick wld haf mentioned...its @ NAFA...ya ya i noe its an art sch & all...every1 is lyk shocked to hear dis but apparently tt's e onli sch tt offers a basic photography course tt i can learn frm scratch...

since i've always wanted to LEARN more abt photography, i figured tt NAFA is e place to start...once i've gt my basics i can den move on to gettin a diploma & degree @ LA SELLE...i c photography as my passion...if im gd at it i'd probably cld make a livin out of it...

wit NAFA on my list i nid to werk to pay e fees...so fortunately e basic course is onli 5 mths & it doesnt cost tt much compared to private courses...so frm march to july (may i'll register & i'll start sch in july) i'll werk part time to save money fer e fees...

since e course is part time, i can find another job (mayb werk at 7-11 agen since its flexible) to help me save money & help out my parents...so basically dis is my plan fer e werk n studies thingy...it seems kinda easy but i bet wen e tym cmes its gonna b tougher...but dis is my basic plan...i still nid to tink a lil more in depth

lastly, im gonna change my habits bit by bit...lyk for example im gonna quit drinkin, stop myself frm gettin a tattoo (which i wan so badly), slowly quit smokin, start prayin agen, learn ngaji, pay back my fast & sum things i'd rather nt mention...

ya dere's a lot more whr tt came frm but e ones i mentioned r my top priorities...lyk wat i told my mom (3/4 of e things she doesnt noe abt) i hope tt i'll b able to fulfill all dis in other werds i hope i haf a long lyf...ok im a lil too young to tink of death but i cant help it...it scares me esp wen im no angel...

so tinkin of e future scares me alot...wit changes & responsibilities on my mind, i hafta start actin lyk a mature adult (hahaha in which im so nt & i dunno hw to)...i guess u can safely say tt all dis cmes under my resolutions fer 2008...

i bet all my other frens r tinkin of e same (hopefully)...well wit e exception fer e guys since dey've gt a 2 yr buffer tym to tink abt e future...hmmm i guess tt'll b all...dere's still summore future plannin i still nid to tink abt =)

p.s: my entries r always long...i tink i tok to much...wat u tink? =)