future...

these past few wks i haf been tinkin alot abt my future...i mean im gonna finish poly in lyk less den 2 mths & i havent cme up wit any plans yet...i dunno if i wan to cont studyin, start werkin or mayb both...its juz tt im worried tt i might nt b able to feed my parents if i were to cont studyin...

i havent felt so much responsibility b4...i kip tinkin tt my parents r oreadi 50+, e age gap is seriously an issue...i kip worryin abt my parents...i wonder if i cld make enuf money to support dem or at least take over sum of their responsibilities lyk paying off sum bills...

i mean all of a sudden im startin to feel tt i reli2 nid to grow up & start tinkin of all dis...in a way i feel kinda scared...im so worried abt e future fer my parents...i was tellin my mom abt all dis & she said tt as long as she & my dad r werkin, i shldnt b worried...

but hw can i nt b? i dun intend to make dem work till im rich enuf to support dem...dey r nt gettin any younger & i dun wan dem to leave me one day w/o me being able to take care of dem...all dis seems to bother me dis days...nw im kinda livin off my bank acc...

i try to use my own money as much as possible cuz knowin me i used to ask fer money fer little things...but nw im sensible enuf to stop askin fer money xcept fer certain things lyk transport fees (onli fer e moment)...so i sat dwn in my room durin x'mas & tot abt wat i wanna do wit my lyf...

firstly i'll start ngaji afta i finish my attachment (e sayin "Kalau aku mati nanti siapa nak baca kan aku surah yasin" by my mom does haf a major effect)...i wanna do it mostly fer my mom...if tt day were to ever cme i wan her to b proud of me cuz i can pray fer her & nt disappoint her...ok nw im feelin super sad...k next!

secondly, i was lookin thru sum websites & i found a sch tt offers part time photography courses...as my nick wld haf mentioned...its @ NAFA...ya ya i noe its an art sch & all...every1 is lyk shocked to hear dis but apparently tt's e onli sch tt offers a basic photography course tt i can learn frm scratch...

since i've always wanted to LEARN more abt photography, i figured tt NAFA is e place to start...once i've gt my basics i can den move on to gettin a diploma & degree @ LA SELLE...i c photography as my passion...if im gd at it i'd probably cld make a livin out of it...

wit NAFA on my list i nid to werk to pay e fees...so fortunately e basic course is onli 5 mths & it doesnt cost tt much compared to private courses...so frm march to july (may i'll register & i'll start sch in july) i'll werk part time to save money fer e fees...

since e course is part time, i can find another job (mayb werk at 7-11 agen since its flexible) to help me save money & help out my parents...so basically dis is my plan fer e werk n studies thingy...it seems kinda easy but i bet wen e tym cmes its gonna b tougher...but dis is my basic plan...i still nid to tink a lil more in depth

lastly, im gonna change my habits bit by bit...lyk for example im gonna quit drinkin, stop myself frm gettin a tattoo (which i wan so badly), slowly quit smokin, start prayin agen, learn ngaji, pay back my fast & sum things i'd rather nt mention...

ya dere's a lot more whr tt came frm but e ones i mentioned r my top priorities...lyk wat i told my mom (3/4 of e things she doesnt noe abt) i hope tt i'll b able to fulfill all dis in other werds i hope i haf a long lyf...ok im a lil too young to tink of death but i cant help it...it scares me esp wen im no angel...

so tinkin of e future scares me alot...wit changes & responsibilities on my mind, i hafta start actin lyk a mature adult (hahaha in which im so nt & i dunno hw to)...i guess u can safely say tt all dis cmes under my resolutions fer 2008...

i bet all my other frens r tinkin of e same (hopefully)...well wit e exception fer e guys since dey've gt a 2 yr buffer tym to tink abt e future...hmmm i guess tt'll b all...dere's still summore future plannin i still nid to tink abt =)

p.s: my entries r always long...i tink i tok to much...wat u tink? =)

Priceless...

Listen
I'm the kind of man
Who really doesn't take the time to understand
That what I did was wrong
But girl you forced my hand
And now girl look at me
Got people saying
I'm not that crazy
Okay I take it back
Whatever it was I said
Oh girl I take it back
Where in the hell was I when you started to pack your bags?
Why didn't you talk to me?
What about my letters?
Did you ever get 'em?

Still smell your scent all in my bed
I'm at the place where we first met
And I'm sending you a ticket
And if you still feel it
Meet me there
'Cause when I look at me I'm like a puzzle Without the pieces I need
Girl I'm in trouble
I need you to come and save me
Oh, I miss my baby
I need you there
Say you'll be there
Ride a jet over seas
Hotels are on the beach
To be with you again is priceless

Now I'm in the room
Watching the clock every hour waiting to here from you
I called the airline they said you'll be landing soon
So I'm on my way
I got a thousand things in my head I want to say girl
I love you and I miss
Would it be too much if I kiss you
Baby let me paint this picture
I ain't shit if I ain't with you
No, no, oh no, oh no
Should I listen?
Is that what was missing?
Tell me baby

Still smell your scent all in my bed (in my bed)
I'm at the place where we first met
I'm sending you this ticket
And if you still feel it
Meet me there
'Cause when I look at me I'm like a puzzle (When I look at me Baby)
Without the pieces I need
Girl I'm in trouble
I need you to come and save me (I need your love)
Oh I miss my baby (cause I need your love)
I need you there (I ned you there oh Babe oh Baby)
Say you'll be there (I'm lonely without you)
Ride a jet over seas (I'll pay for everythihng)
Hotels are on the beach (but that don't mean a thing)
To be with you again is priceless (if you're not here with me)

I'm at the airport waiting on you
Wishing you'd show up
I hope you do
If you still believe
You're my missing piece
The guard is telling me
Man I got to leave

I'm at the airport waiting on you
Wishing you'd show up
I hope you do
If you still believe
You're my missing piece
I know money can buy me anything
Except for you

When I look at me I'm like a puzzle Without the pieces I need
Girl I'm in trouble
I need you to come and save me (said I need you Baby)
Oh I miss my baby (come and save me)
I need you there (got a big old house up on the hill
Say you'll be there (but its so empty 'cause you're not here)
Ride a jet over seas
Hotels are on the beach
To be with you again is priceless (I need you Baby)

P.S: these r e words i've been wantin to say & dis is wat i haf been feelin...u r Priceless

FuN tYms...

damn, i miz all those tyms in my sec sch days...it was loads of crappiness...havin e chalet reli makes us recall all those tyms tt we enjoyed...b it crazy, stupid or embarrassing (me havin e most no of memorable falls back den) it was funny all e same...everytym we get a chance to mit, we nvr fail to tok abt it...e topic juz nvr gets stale...

those were such great tyms...all of us r wishin fer e same thing...hw we cld turn back tym...hahaha...although back den we did haf our fair share of anger n sorrows but tt doesnt stop us frm wantin to go back...unfortunately all tt's left is juz memories...

all we can do is rmb (we cld re-enact though...hahaha)...i personally had a few memories tt i wish i cld erase...e hurtful n painful memories...hahahah...but cme to tink of it, those memories seems funny nw...i mean back den was bad but nw its lyk juz a joke...sumthin kids do at tt age...

hahaha...wtf am i tokin abt man? well wateva it is i reli enjoyed myself yest...thx fer organisin it...we shld do tt more often...mit up wenever we can n crap all nite long repeatin e same thing agen n agen n nt get sick n tired of it...hahahaha...i'll nvr get sick n tired listenin to it fer sure =)


p.s: i seriously tink i suck at bloggin...other ppls english r lyk so much better la...plus their stories r more interestin den mine n e way dey describe it is so much better...sumtyms i wonder y do i bother bloggin...my lyf is lyk god damn boring to share it wit ppl...crap =)

questions...

Y is it tt things always turn out dis way? No matter hw hard i try or hw much i've changed, things will nvr b e same...when one prob is solved, another one arises. it's never ending...but somehw in every relationship, im e one tt nvr wants to gif up or let go...im e persistent one...i realised tt no matter how nice i am or hw gd i treat ppl, i'll always end up at e losing end...

i can nvr run away frm losin...it juz follows me wherever i go...is it me or is it dem? i've toned dwn practically all e negativeness in me...b it my sarcasm, ego & even my temper...things i wld nvr even do fer my parents, i've done fer u...i did all dis fer u but u nvr seem to understand xcept fer tt tym recently wen u came over late at nite under my void deck...u still came even though i told u countless tyms i didnt wanna c u...but still i let u in...i can nvr ever bear to let u wait fer me unlyk all those tyms i waited fer u...

i fer one noes hw it feels to wait fer sumone but dey nvr came dwn in e end...wen u came, it was e happiest day i've had in a long tym...u chased me...u dunno noe hw long i waited for tt day to cme...but nw things haf reverted back to e way it was b4...u still ignore my calls & smses when i shld b e one hu's doin tt...

in every relationship, i tried to change accordin to their wants but lyk every one of em, im always e one feelin e hurt...yes i noe u r feelin it too but unlyk u, i cant forget things easily & move on...i hate being a burden to my frens whenever i wan to tell em abt my probs...

love doesnt cme easily fer me...although i dun treasure it sumtyms or quarrel wit u, i will nvr make decisions such as breakin up...to me, as long as i still love u & as long as i can salvage it, i'll kip on tryin & nt gif up...no matter hw angry i am at u or hw i hated e things u've done, my heart can nvr bear to say "i want a break up"

sayin those words wld mean tt i no longer haf any feelings fer u & nt bother u ever agen or tt u've cheated on me...but u, e person i fell so in love wit, will nvr do tt to me...at least u made me blieve so...up until nw, i still blieve in e quote i go by yrs ago, back wen i was in sec sch...

"its better to want them & nt haf them, then havin them & nt want them"...i feel tt even afta all those yrs wen i've suffered so much pain for e 1st tym, i still feel it nw...but wit a diff person...havin to b able to onli look & befriend sumone u lyk is far better den bein wit them & break up sum tym afta...e hurt is so much more worst than havin to b their fren & nothin else...

i guess e quote is gonna stay wit me fer a v long tym...it means so much in juz one sentence & it xplains everythin abt hw i feel & hw i haf been feelin...